He who doesn’t beat his wife, doesn’t love her

He who doesn’t beat his wife, doesn’t love her.
Thus goes a Namibian proverb.
Its meaning is obvious – a woman, like a child, needs much correction.
Not to discipline your child is not to love him.
Similarly, to discipline your wife is a demonstration of your love for her.

These women, if they find the beating in their marriage too much to bear, have no place to run to. If they decide to return to their mother for refuge, they are met with no sympathy. “I had to put up with beating. Why should you escape it?”

Sometimes a wife may ‘have’ to be beaten to the extent that she was unable to walk for a day or 2, or walk comfortably, at least. If some visionary person decided to counsel the husband that this was possibly not such a good idea, the woman herself would have come to his defense: “This is my culture, it is my honour to be beaten by my husband. Don’t insult my husband by telling him not to beat me!” Historically, the bride was often seen crying at her wedding, because she knew how much she would suffer in the years to come.

Thankfully, things are changing, and there is much publicity to discourage domestic violence, and for victims to receive support from the police. However, there is always the gap between the enlightened ‘towns’, and the remote ‘villages’.

Marriages in cultures here are often highly structured in terms of roles and work.
It is for this reason that Kalenioupafi decided, by the age of 17, not to marry. She is one of the NETS students in Ohsikango. She explained that to be married means to become a slave for the man. That is often why men marry – to get a slave.

Thus, it is very difficult for Christian men to live in a distinctively Christian way. For example, as the Christian men in our Oshikango study group explained, cooking is the domain of the wife. Men do not cook! Further, the back-breaking work of fetching water and carrying it home is also her ‘privilege’. For a man to be seen cooking, or fetching water for his wife, would result in ridicule: “Ha, so you have really been put under, haven’t you!”

For us, female neighbours have always been (pleasantly) shocked if they come into our house and see David cooking. “Wow, I want a husband like you”; or simply, “I want a white husband.” The young girls who to play with Caris also find it a great object of fascination and amusement.

There is also the division between the new western system of family inheritance of the father’s property, and the traditional ‘female’ inheritance line. This takes a little explaining.

The husband is not really part of the family – rather, the children belong to the wife. When having different wives, each wife has children in her own “epata” – or cooking hearth. The woman is responsible for her “epata” – not the husband. So often, we are amazed – and delighted - to see the rare sight of a father taking care of their children. If the husband dies then traditional law says that his property belongs to the family of his mother (his own “epata” – meaning his brothers). Upon the death of the husband, his brothers and their families will come to claim ‘their’ possessions. This will include fields (means of growing crops for survival), the home of the widow, right up to the pots that the woman needs to cook for her family, and utensils. Talk about widows and orphans!

As stated, things are changing. New laws are being implemented to protect women and reform society. But there is always the difference between ‘the law of the land’, and ‘what actually happens’.

In Oshikango we have been discussing the biblical, Gospel-soaked paradigm of marriage, based on the material from the NETS book ‘Building a Happy Marriage’. There was a lot of vigorous discussion as a result of it. This happens to be one of the most popular books people study (let the reader understand!).
We believe things are changing – be it ever so slowly.
But there is still a massive task ahead.

So, praise God for societies that have been deeply affected by Judeao-Christian values for more than 2000 years, and praise God for his Word, that transforms lives. But pray for marriages in Namibia, and churches as they address husbands and wives.

Mission Trip Diary 11th –17th March 2010

11/3:Traveled to Tsumeb with Tuhafeni (300km)

Delayed in Ondangwa by an unhappy meeting with Charles, an ex-prisoner and NETS graduate. He is struggling to adjust to life outside prison, with all the temptations of his past life around him. He is very young. In prison, he had the support and guidance of mature Christians like Kambahu, but the outside world brings many temptations. We (Tuhafeni and I) spent a lot of time talking about the effectiveness of our work in prisons and the need for some sort of follow-up once they leave prison.

We met with NETS students and prospective students at Farm Scott Prison. Unfortunately we did not allow any new enrolments because all the prospective students will be released this year. Nevertheless, we had a good time of fellowship with them. In the past this has been a place of spiritual apathy – but it seems God is working there.

We over-nighted in Tsumeb, and Tuhafeni caught transport the next day to Windhoek. Tuhafeni and I enjoyed good fellowship and prayer as usual.

12/3 I spent some time in Grootfontein buying stationary and Bibles (YES! I actually found some Oshiwambo Bibles; they are sold out - AGAIN – in the rest of the country). Then I proceeded to Rundu (300km).

13/3 Spent morning with students at Nkwazi Lodge (see below), who are being sponsored by the lodge owner. It was a time spent passionately urging them to go to church! They love the studies we do – but they feel totally disillusioned in their own churches, where the Bible is not taught, where meaningless traditions are followed and they are not allowed to do any ‘ministry’ because their faith is perceived to be “Pentecostal”. I read them the riot act: “Either GO TO CHURCH, or change churches, but YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE not to be part of the fellowship of believers.”

Drove to Katima Mulilo (500km) – camping at Zambezi River Lodge. Katima is the eastern-most tip of Namibia, at the end of the ‘arm’. The Zambezi is high – almost as high as last year (which was a time of extreme flooding).

14/3 I met with Jeke, our new coordinator for the Far North-East, and preached at his church. He himself is desperate to learn more theology, to understand the gifts of the spirit, tongues and healings, and how to respond to the seeming abuse of these in the Katima churches. His church service was led by someone on crutches who had, according to some churches ‘refused God’s healing’ – whose leaders who at certain times had tried to steal his crutches to prove his ungodly rebellion and to show that he could actually walk without them. Thus, Jeke has a passion for teaching people truth from the Bible.

Jeke will need a lot of mentoring and support and encouragement – and he has expressed as much – with the work of NETS and with his church. He is soaking up everything I tell him.

We praise God that Jeke is well networked in Katima with almost all the pastors, and so he is in a great position to launch a NETS study group there. He is the exact answer to prayer I have asked for in the past, because I have been unable to start anything there - it is simply so far away, and so different to the rest of Namibia.

But do pray for him. He has no resources (only a disintegrating NIV Bible), although he was recently given a couple of other Bibles and 3 books by our director. Jeke is also grieving the death of his wife six months ago, who also leaves behind their daughter, Marissa, who is 9.

15/3 We spent some time in Katima doing logistical tasks, before driving back west to Divundu (300km) to camp there. We spent a lot of time discussing the job of coordinator, and I also presented him with the computer he would be using. It is a highly portable “Netbook” – provided by our partners in the Good Shepherd Anglican Church, Cairns – Thank YOU! He would not be able to do his work without it.

16/3 We spent the morning in Divundu prison where Jeke did some teaching, and I also spoke about ‘the Sabbath’ which is a highly contentious issue in Namibia. Last year, the Seventh Day Adventist Church issued a challenge to the whole Church in Namibia to show which Bible passage tells us to worship on the Sunday – and you could win a Toyota Corolla. Of course, no one won the Corolla … so was used by the SDA church itself! So I spent 2 hours teaching on the real meaning of Sabbath, and followed the theme of ‘Rest’ from Genesis 2 right through to Hebrews 4. I argued that the ‘Sabbath’ is fulfilled in Jesus Christ, and we come to true rest, by trusting in him and not in our works.
I can’t say that every prisoner was 100% satisfied, but Stanley responded at the end ‘Our coordinator has answered my question in a much fuller way than I expected. I really understand the Sabbath now – for me it is like the lights have come on!’

Jeke and I then drove to Rundu, where we stayed at the beautiful, PRO BONO, Nkwazi Lodge. The owners are Christian, and support some of their workers to do the NETS course. They also raise funds from the many international guests to sponsor orphans and run 3 preschools in their community, feeding the children who attend the preschools. Nkwazi Lodge has few guests at the moment, because the river has risen to such an extent that you cant get there by road. However, for visitors who do come, they fetch them by boat. Grin!

17/3 Jeke departed for Windhoek, and I spent till 2 o’clock at Rundu Junior detention centre. Jeke will also be responsible for this prison when he begins in April. Towards the end of the meeting, one of the students asked, “So how do you repent and turn to God?” What an opportunity to share a summary of the Gospel and issue a challenge to repent! Apart from language issues, sharing the Gospel is so easy in Namibia. In just about every leg of the journey, hitchhikers are picked up, and the Gospel is shared with them. I have no idea what will happen to these seeds that are sown, but may God in his mercy bring them to fruition.

I am organizing a graduation at Divundu prison 20th April and at Rundu 21st April. I will again be with Jeke during this time, helping and encouraging him. Please pray that this actually happens, as it is a very busy time for me personally. Jeke’s driving is also progressing well, but he needs practice and more lessons. It is sad they are so expensive in Katima Mulilo. But it is essential that he get his license soon, so that he can work effectively as there is much traveling involved, complete with boxes of NETS course books in various languages. Please pray about this, as well as the license for Tuhafeni.

Praise God for the wonderful experiences I have had, the opportunities he provided for Gospel preaching, and for safe travel (2,623 kms!). Many thanks for your prayers for both me and the family during this time.

The other pix of Nicky & David at Iindangungu & Onamambili (see below)

Alisan & Nicky at Eluwa school for deaf (& blind), David & Tuhafeni, Alisan & Blessing

Nicky and David play taxi to one church choir so they can visit another church!

Introducing Tuhafeni and Nicky ... already in action!